Comments on: Game Face

By: Sandra

Sandra — Wed, 01 Feb 2012 23:34:28 +0000

rcmp widow – I’m so sorry to hear of what you endured and what happened with your husband.

The sad fact is that law enforcement is not excluded from the realm of domestic abuse. Domestic abuse is not anything anyone should live with, and it has a huge impact when those who have sworn to protect end up hurting the ones they love.

I pray that you have a good support system and are getting help for your PTSD.

By: rcmp widow

rcmp widow — Wed, 01 Feb 2012 21:43:40 +0000

After a few years that “game face” never left my husband. He was so used to being in control of his work environment that he felt he should control his family environment as well. He became abusive but it came on gradually so it wasn’t noticed at first. I lived through something that nobody married to a policeman or any man for that matter, should. It finally ended with his death but I’m the one left with PTSD. Understanding the “game face” for a wife isn’t as simple as it sounds.

By: Chappers2013

Chappers2013 — Wed, 01 Feb 2012 18:31:29 +0000

This behaviour crosses the Atlantic! Just the same here in London. Excellent piece. Stay safe. Xx

By: MJ

MJ — Mon, 08 Mar 2010 12:41:00 +0000

Great post, and so true. My husband worked nights for two years, and he had about the same routine as you. He recently moved to days, and I think it put a hitch in his groove, but I have no doubt he will adjust. Great blog.

By: Momma Fargo

Momma Fargo — Mon, 08 Mar 2010 04:25:38 +0000

Nice post! I found your blog thanks to Mrs. Fuzz.

By: The Officer

The Officer — Sun, 28 Feb 2010 08:13:52 +0000

I love this blog post. My wife and I had to have the same conversation. My wife calls my mode “The Cop Mode.” Some of my close friends have even picked up when I go into “Cop Mode.”

By: Christopher

Christopher — Thu, 25 Feb 2010 20:33:40 +0000

My wife, likewise, notices a demeanor change, especially once I’m dressed for work, and especially if she meets me when I’m at work.

I also notice a difference, though, in how I present myself when on duty or in uniform over other situations. For example, I would never put my hands in my pockets or lean on something when wearing a uniform, but have no problem doing those things in a pair of jeans. I think it’s mostly a subconscious awareness that we are always being watched and evaluated, and that we represent more than just ourselves when we are in uniform.

By: mark

mark — Wed, 24 Feb 2010 23:05:46 +0000

Sandra,

I’m glad you posted this. My wife is in law-enforcement and I’m an applicant. Several months ago she came back with a book on Emotional Survival (http://www.emotionalsurvival.com/). It not only made me understand where her mindset was, but also what I should expect going from applicant to officer. I think this aspect of law enforcement needs to be discussed more often!

By: Ann T. Hathaway

Ann T. Hathaway — Wed, 24 Feb 2010 18:03:05 +0000

Dear Sandra,
Over at Beat and Release blog, a few months ago, he gave a similar but shorter scenario: get a coke, watch the local news, get dressed. He says his wife told him his posture and entire demeanor changed by the time he had his belt and boots on. Then he listens to particular music on the way to work getting in the frame of mind. Some of the tracks help him with warrior mindset and I think the rest is reminders of ‘thug life’, although I would not hazard a guess which track is which. Also, I think the familiar music in familiar order probably facilitates his flow of thinking.

The constant alertness has to take a physical toll. It is ‘being’ in a high (but accustomed) state of anxiety. The sleep is necessary and so is the decompression. Or at least, I would say it would be for me. Then there is the escalated anxiety, during incidents, potential incidents, and really bad situations. With the Lakewood ambush/other grim reminders, the baseline of “accustomed anxiety” has to have ratcheted up, making work more stressful on your body and asking more mental alertness for longer periods of time.

Heidegger called that state of anxiety ‘true being’ or In-Sein. He said it was real life, in the present, the sum of the Now. Most of the time, people live in the past (My girl & I had a fight) or the future (can’t wait until Friday). Their moments of real being are few and far between. And mostly, Heidegger said, real being is associated with anxiety and stress (who the hell am I?). Your real life comes one whole shift at a time, and before, after. You live more, according to Heidegger. That means you use more of yourself.

Heidegger’s probably rolling in his grave at my quick and dirty version, but still.

Sincerely, all the best,
Ann T.

By: Mrs. Fuzz

Mrs. Fuzz — Wed, 24 Feb 2010 16:44:59 +0000

Thanks for this post! I love hearing the officer’s perspective. The sleep thing kills me. HF can sleep for days at a time it seems. At times I don’t have a problem letting him sleep as much as he wants to, and other times it is a source of impatience for me. Sometimes I will say, “I function on less than 7 hours of sleep everyday why can’t you?” I know the answer why, but I want him up and to spend as much time as possible with us. It is interesting to me to notice that after an especially busy and eventful night that he needs even more sleep to recover from the “adrenaline dumps” he experienced. It’s a complicated life.

I imagine you will need some extra sleep during and/or after the olympics?!