Intoxicated

When you’re intoxicated and find yourself in a situation where the police have to come and tend to you, please adhere to the following suggestions:

  • Do not call the female officer ‘honey’, ‘sweetheart’, ‘babe’, or ‘hotcakes’ – the pet names really do nothing to endear yourself to her.  But if you simply cannot help yourself and find the need to spew forth with drunken comments, ‘sweetheart’ is better than ‘hotcakes’
  • When you find the above mentioned pet names have no effect, do not attempt to hug the officer.  Again, officers do not find this to be an endearing quality, and if you’re too enthusiastic about the endeavour you may find yourself in handcuffs.
  • When an officer tells you to sit on the curb, please do so.  It is likely you are swaying or unsteady on your feet and the officer fears you are going to topple over and bonk your head.  If you sit on the curb, the distance between your drunken head and the ground is greatly reduced. 
  • If, while sitting on the curb, it comes to mind that jumping to your feet and doing your impression of the Chimichanga is a good idea, think again.  Remember – you were asked to sit because you were unsteady on your feet, and really, your Chimichanga will likely not be as impressive as you think. 
  • When the sobriety wagon comes to take you to a place where you can recover, please be nice to the people operating the wagon.  They are volunteers who give freely of their time to ensure those who have over-imbibed have a safe place to go. Their namesake, SAFERIDE, tells it all.
  • Remember – we are here to help you. 

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